Feb 12, 2010
“The purple testament of bleeding war."
Interview with Mr. Purple Rod By Israel N. Wonderland
It’s been only a week since I met the baby daddy of Tila Tequila’s mystery baby. She’s been pregnant oh so many times that we all can’t count the times on both hands. Who needs a background? Mr. Purple Rod does. He is the most quiet of all Hollywood secrets He chose to “come out” to two Tila Resistance Members @boycottTila and @ALICEintwitrlnd They were more than happy to help him spread the news and the word that “Purple is indeed the new Pink” He has become an overnight sensation and overnight, has gained haters around the Interweb. Even gained some stalkers. I chose to speak with him today because he prefers to talk to someone whom he trusts won’t twist his words. I promise, he WON’T pull a John Mayer and talk about his manhood. However, it’s a solemn day for him. Tila still has not been honest with herself and her fans. Still, how Tila can sleep at night knowing she's vehemently denying having sexual relations with Mr. Rod 14 weeks ago in Los Angeles at the Hotel Roosevelt it seems she’s lost sight on what’s important in life, her baby. Three Tequila shots (pun intended), he noticed one thing: she was easier than counting your 1,2, 3’s. Here is Spiked Tequila’s bold and raw interview with the Twitter Sensation, Mr. Purple Rod.
Spiked Tequila: Let’s start off easy like a Sunday afternoon. Where were you born?
Purple Rod: I was born in Idaho. It was a quaint but small town. No, I’m not Mormon and I am not an average hoe from Idaho’s backyard. I am just a simple boy with dreams but they just aren't fulfilled just yet
Spiked Tequila: Average hoe? Mormon? What? Are you drunk?
Purple Rod: No, It’s a joke. Idaho is filled with Mormons and garden tools used to dig up those Potatoes. I’m not a hoe but the hoes love Rods, like me (nervous laugh)
ST: hmm…okay? Yeah! Sure? Anyways, When did you first come to LA?
PR: I came about a year ago. I was fresh and new and not looking for a one-night stand…or a closet. Well, not like I’m insinuating that she meaning Tila, put me in the closet after we made sweet love.
ST: Closet? WHAT?
PR; yeah, well, it was her way of actually getting rods and then shoving them away so she can meet/ bring over newer ones. After a few hours, I was old news to her and she’s always hungry for newer and sturdier “rods”
ST: Are you saying that she had sex with you and then locked you in the closet? Then proceeded to have sex again?
PR: Precisely. Well, she was at least courteous and waited an hour and a half.
ST: Oh? I see. Well, Purple, may I call you Purple? Or Rod?
PR: Purple is my gang name. I have purple skin Some think I’m sick but I am just purple.
ST: What’s up with RazB?
PR: What’s up with RazB? His pictures on a Gay singles site! That’s what’s up
ST: HA! Well, I can’t say I’ve seen them. Are you jealous of their companionship?
PR: He’s 100% tender meat. In no way can he take on Tila. I’m lucky I didn’t test positive for anything funky
ST: Does she have STDS?
PR: If she does, then she sure as hell didn’t get them from neither Shawne nor I.
ST: Did you know Shawne?
PR: Yes, he didn’t beat her. She hurt herself. Anyone who was there knew she was smoking crack that night and started having her crazy bitchfits. She likes to smoke the rock then babble on about how she'll make everyone a superstar. How do you do that when we all know she pawns like the pro she is. Well, for the past year she, whether she likes it or not, has had to learn how to become a pro. Pawns and gives herself to anonymous men. Just saying.
ST: Are you bitter?
PR: Over what? Tila is definitely 2007. Myspace is all she was. Photoshop and a few herpes is all she is now. Put that one in and bold it. ST: What are your thoughts on this, Billy Bass?
PR: He’s a cheap take on Billy Bass Thornton. We all know that. Billy, poor guy in denial, just the K-mart version while Thornton is a Underwater Superstar!
ST: So, Billy bass…. Do you have a “past” with him like some on Twitter have claimed?
PR: No! I never met him, ever. He says we’ve done so much together. How can I talk to a (expletive) fish? Explain that one. I’m sick of all this imaginary press he’s getting. He needs to stop pointing fins and look at what he’s done. He hurt my cousin, Angelfish Jolie’s feelings and said she’ll never work in Show business again! She’s got talent…he’s got a double-wide, a beer belly and a plaque that he sleeps on. He’s over with. One of my agents even said she found his brother; Quail tail Tarantino at a dime store! C’mon Billy bass own up to the fish you are.
ST: Wow, I guess I’ll never look at him the same way again. Do you know if he slept with Tila?
PR: Nope, I wouldn’t know. She’s been with a lot of bottom dwellers though; by the time I got my turn in the sack with her…she could pass as a fish. The smell…I still can’t get it out of my nose.
ST: How are you enjoying your newly found fame?
PR: Same way as Tila. Except, I DID help Haiti and that’s all I can say.
ST: Let’s play a game. I say a word and you say what comes to mind. Ready?
PR: You bet!
PR: Dwarf with a complex
PR: Used Car.
ST: That was two but it was funny. Okay, Twitter
ST: That’s all I have. Are you single, Purple?
PR: Yeah, I am a single man. Ladies, Call me up if you want a Bad Rodmance.
ST: Thanks so much for letting us interview you. It was a pleasure!
PR: Thank you! I’ll never forget you, hey, ever been with a HOT rod?
ST: uhh…. No…I can’t have sex with a Rod. Thanks again.
Eu te amo... Chico Buarque
3 weeks ago