Wednesday, April 21, 2010

"Hurricane Tila" in NYC: A Synopsis.


During her press tour in NYC, she talked about her new blog in almost every single interview, all while continuing to take horrific photographs dressed in Mr. Bradshaw's "stylish" ensembles. Let's take a look at some of those interview snippets and blinding pictures.

On her website (, she raved about all of the interviews she was "invited" to:
That's right, only ya bosslady, MISS TILA gets to do so many different types of shows. I don't see Lindsay Lohan, or Kim Kardashian, Or Paris Hilton, doing fun Pop Culture interviews, as well as SERIOUS interviews on FOX, CBS, and CNN type shows that I was invited on!"
I hate to break it to you, Tila, but I might know the reason these powerful women aren't being "invited" onto these shows. It may be because they are too busy filming their own TV shows (what's your new "contract" for anyway?), filming movies, or promoting the products that bear their name. In all honesty, the things that you did in New York City last week are proof that you are desperate for attention and screen time. You seem to be rushing to promote everything and anything you can, for fear that your 15 minutes (or 8 way-too-long years) are finally up. Do you think Angelina Jolie (a favorite of yours) needs to conduct 20 photo shoots and interviews in the span of five days to promote her new movie? Or does she need to run through Times Square, hit on female cops, try to get arrested, or flash her panties to the Paparazzi? No, she doesn't... because people actually like her.

Also, there was the disaster interview Miss Tila did with Howard Stern. I do not like Howard Stern, but I must say I was impressed by the way he handled the furious calls and lashback after the interview . My favorite highlights of the interview: Tila confirmed her miscarriage (again?) and claimed that the "dent" in her head is what caused it. She stated that Casey Johnson's dogs were euthanized after being taken from Tila's house (Guess what! They weren't). She also said she will now refer to herself as "Hurricane Tila". She spouted the lie that Casey Johnson's dying wish was for Tila to be pregnant (Now, how could she know what Casey's dying wish was? Especially after Tila hadn't spoken with her in the days leading up to her death.) And the worst thing to come out of her mouth? She started masturbating at age FIVE. Impressive.

My favorite interview was done by, entitled "Miss Tila (Formerly Tila Tequila) Speaks Her Mind and Holds Nothing Back". Thank you for this interview, Allison Kugel, as I appreciate anything that will make me laugh hysterically. Here are just a few of my favorite words that came out of "THE BOSSLADY"'s mouth:

--- "Just like all my tattoos and everything else spontaneous I do in my life; I get bored and I like dramatic changes." I guess claiming to be pregnant (way) more than twice and then claiming you had a miscarriage after falling off of a chair is... well, spontaneous. And definitely dramatic.
--- "I’m really smart. I’m so smart that I think I’m an alien sometimes." I think someone with an IQ above 5 would do research on in-virtro fertilization or maybe how long one would be AWOL after experiencing a traumatic miscarriage. Google it, Bing, ANYTHING?
--- "A lot of people always write me and say, 'I want to be famous too.' And I’m like, 'For what? What’s your purpose? Why do you want to be famous? Because you want to feel fabulous?' I didn’t want that." So what are you famous for, Miss Tila? For posing nude in Playboy? For your two seasons of A Shot At Love (which you say you want to distance yourself from)? For your "Tila's Advices Hotline"? For what, exactly?
--- "Facebook deleted the video and girls get so jealous. I felt like, 'Ok, I know for a fact, and no offense to anybody, but if it was, like, that girl from Precious or some woman who is really overweight and had on lingerie and was like, I don’t care. I’m still sexy, people would be like, You go girl.' But because I look like what I do, people don’t want to see a woman that is intelligent and pretty and smart at the same time. They make you out to be this train wreck, and they push me in this category with Lindsay [Lohan], Paris [Hilton] and Kim Kardashian, but I am way smarter than those girls." So if an overweight woman posted a video of herself in lingerie making seductive poses, we'd be like, "You go girl!"? Whoever reported that video (be it the folks running Facebook or a so-called "JEALOUS" fan) found it to be a little too "sexy" for the younger kids that have accounts on the website. Let me explain: The Facebook Terms of Service state this specifically: "You will not post content that is hateful, threatening, pornographic, or that contains nudity or graphic or gratuitous violence." Miss Tila, Pornography is anything considered to be explicit. There does not have to be nudity, which may serve as an explanation of why Victoria's Secret commercials don't run in the afternoon on Nickelodeon. Your video was not taken down because you "look like what you do." It was taken down because you broke the rules.
--- "I think it’s really hot to be a MILF." So if I follow your logic, one of the reasons you want to be a mother is because... because you want to be a MILF?!

Now onto Tila's (not so) flattering photos and shoots. It seems even the UK has taken notice to Tila Tequila's antics. NOW Magazine's latest collection of "Celebrity Fashion Disasters" features Miss Tila... at #1. She's wearing the dress (seen below) from her "Blog Launch Party" at the Greenhouse. The same dress her stylist Mr. Bradshaw said made Tila "the best dressed at the party". Obviously, our neighbors across the pond didn't agree.

And thanks to CELEBSLAM, we have wonderful photos of Tila at her "Blog Launch Party". This confuses me, as anytime someone has a "launch party" for a film, there has always been a preview screening OR the movie is already out....right? Too bad she planned a screening party weeks after her blog was originally supposed to launch. Here are some real gems:

Now listen, I really think this dress (MAYBE) could have been nice. However, maybe Mr. Bradshaw should have put a pastie or tape over her left nipple-- not just her right. And maybe the length should have been altered so she wasn't flashing the crowd her panties every time she moved. It really might have been a pretty dress if it hadn't got all tangled up at the dry cleaners... know whaddi'mean?

Again, I must say that she seems rather comfortable knowing she's flashing her tighty whities to the entire crowd. Hasn't she been saying something about being "classy"? Maybe it's just me, but I don't consider flashing your ta-tas and panties to be "classy". It reminds me more of an "unabashed and oversexed has-been". But it certainly doesn't fall into the category of "class".

& THAT one is for those of you who might have assumed the previous picture was an "accident"...

Then there's the photos from her "STEAMY PHOTO SHOOT", thanks to SURPRISE! More nipple slips! Let's hear her say this one was a mistake!

I'll be the first to admit that this picture could have been beautiful. But she couldn't just let the photo be-- THERE MUST BE A NIPPLE SLIP! THERE MUST!

And who could possibly forget about Tila's "performance" at Crazy Horse? Seems she picked the perfect venue to promote her new song, "I Fucked The DJ". (Thanks to DListed for the photos!)
Well, she did tell Howard Stern she used to be a stripper...


Anonymous said...

She truly is a disgusting pig. She has balls calling Perez piggy...Crawl back into the gutter you vile little rat!

Anonymous said...

That was an awesome post!!!

Katie said...

It disgusts me that I have the same Louboutin boots that Tila is wearing in the stripper photos at the end. I wonder what Christian would think....

redletteryr said...

Thanks, Anna! She's losing her marbles.